


By Any Other Name

by Havocmantis



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crushes, Cussing, F/F, Fluff, Golden Deer, Love Confessions, Subtle Spoilers, Trans Female Character, verdant wind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21567115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havocmantis/pseuds/Havocmantis
Summary: Shamir confesses that she likes Catherine, even if she is sometimes a pain in her ass. Not just as a partner, but as a friend. And perhaps as something more, although she is not yet ready to admit this, even to herself. While speaking as friends, they discuss hot lady knights, Byleth's odd gift-giving habits, and what makes a name "real".
Relationships: Catherine & Shamir Nevrand
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

"Catherine? There’s... something I want to say to you,” Shamir said. “Really? Now that’s a first!” Catherine said. “Hmph.” “Ah, sorry!” Catherine apologized, “I shouldn’t tease. I just wish you’d say things to me more often. It’s the best part of my day!” “Maybe I’d do it more often if you didn’t make fun of me any time I did…” Shamir said. “I mean it!” Catherine said, “If you ever have anything you want to talk to someone about, like… huh. I guess I don’t even know what kind of stuff you’d want to talk about, other than training and work. Killing bugs with knives?” “Hah. You cracked me wide open, Catherine,” Shamir said, sarcastically, “The reason I’m always so quiet is because the only thing I’m interested in talking about is killing bugs with knives, and no one ever wants to listen.” “I’m pretty sure you’re joking, but even so, I’d want to listen!” Catherine said. “Really?” Shamir asked, incredulously. “I’d listen to you say just about anything!” Catherine said, “As long as you don’t say that you hate me, haha.” “Geez,” Shamir said, blushing, “I can’t believe you’d really say something like that with a straight face.” “Hey! You can’t scold me for teasing you and then say that! It’s not fair.” “Life isn’t fair,” Shamir said, “And besides, fucking with you is my way of saying that I like you.” “Hah! So you do like me! I knew it!” Catherine said, triumphantly, “Ah, right, sorry. Only you’re allowed to tease.”

“No, it’s OK,” Shamir said, “You’re right. And... that’s actually what I wanted to say to you. I do like you, Catherine. A lot. More than I thought I’d ever let myself. And not just as a partner, but as a friend. I’ve always been kind of… distant, so most of my comrades just leave me alone or try too hard to get me to open up. You always stayed at my side, but never closer than I was comfortable with." Ah, c'mon, Shamir," Catherine said, "You don't gotta lie to make me feel better. Even I know I used to be a real pain in your ass!" Shamir laughed. "Hah, you really were. But you're not anymore. And I really appreciate that." “You’re giving me too much credit,” Catherine said, “I’m still the same pain-in-the-ass Catherine I’ve always been.” “Maybe,” Shamir said, “But even when you’re being a pain in someone’s ass, I can tell you’re trying not to be a pain in my ass. You know what I mean?” “I’m… not sure that I do,” Catherine said, “It’s not like it’s so hard to get along with you that I have to try to not be a pain in your ass. And, er, sorry about talking about your ass so much, we can say a different thing if you want.” Shamir smiled. “See, that’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. Back when we first met, you probably would have made some crude joke about being something else in my ass entirely.” “Hah?” Catherine half-laughed, half-gasped in surprise. “I’d never… OK, yeah, that sounds exactly like me! To be honest, I’m a bit jealous I didn’t think of it first! Not that I’d say it out loud, of course." “Of course,” Shamir said, “You’re more… considerate, I guess is what I’m trying to say.” “Yeah, I get what you mean,” Catherine said, “Still not sure it’s worth being thanked over or anything. I don’t want you to think that keeping my dumb jokes to myself is this great burden that I’m carrying for your sake. It’s no big deal, partner.”

  
“It’s a big deal to me, partner,” Shamir said, tersely, before apologizing, “Sorry. I know what you meant. But I’m not thanking you because I think you’re making this big, heroic sacrifice by putting up with me. It’s not about what you’ve lost or even what I’ve gained. It’s about you putting my feelings before your own. Even if it’s something as small as letting me drink alone when you’d rather have a big Girls’ Night Out with me and Manuela.” “So, you’re saying it’s the thought that counts?” Catherine asked. “Hmmm… I feel like that’s usually something people say to make a crappy gift seem less crappy. I don’t think being your friend is crappy at all,” Shamir said. “Hah, I feel the same way about you!” Catherine said, “But even receiving crappy gifts can be kind of nice. Like when Byleth gives you a fishing float or whatever. You know it only cost 100G, and you know you’ll never use it, but it’s still nice to know that she spent some of her money and time trying to make you happy, you know?” “Yeah, that’s… actually a really clever way of thinking of it,” Shamir said, “If you keep giving someone gifts, even if they don’t like them very much, you learn what they do and don’t like, so you can give better gifts in the future.” “Yeah, exactly! Like when Byleth gave me all those different flowers! I think she was trying to figure out which one I liked. Except, I’m not really into flowers, so I guess it didn’t help her give better gifts in the future.” Catherine said. “You don’t like sunflowers?” Shamir asked, quizzically. “Huh? I mean, I don’t not like them. But I don’t really care about any flower,” Catherine said, “It’s like, who cares about something that’s pretty but useless when there’s much cooler stuff that’s just as pretty, like magic swords or badass lady knights?” “Hah. I guess you have a point,” Shamir said. “Anyway, why’d you think I liked sunflowers?” Catherine asked. “Oh. Right,” Shamir said, “I guess Byleth told me. She did the same thing to me, giving me flowers to see which one I liked. I figured out what she was doing, so I just didn’t react differently when she gave me my favorite flower, to see if I could get her to give me every type of flower.” “That’s terrible!” Catherine said, laughing, “Did it work?” “It did,” Shamir said, “I admitted that I liked sunflowers and offered to give her back the rest of them. She thought it was funny and insisted that I keep them. Commented how cute it was that we both liked the same flower.” “Oh, right,” Catherine said, “Eventually I started to feel bad that she was giving me so many flowers. I couldn’t get a word in, so I just pretended to really like one of the flowers to get her to stop. So basically the exact opposite of what you did, haha.” “Heh. It’s convenient that you happened to tell her that you like sunflowers. Now, if she gives you any in the future, you can just pass them to me. I mean, if there’s no one else you’d rather give them to…” Shamir said. “Of course there’s no one I’d rather give them to!” Catherine exclaimed, “That’s actually a really good idea! I don’t think I could fake being excited every time the professor gives me a sunflower, but if I’m excited about having a gift for you, then I won’t have to fake anything!” “Well, if you’re that excited about it, I guess I’ll just have to find a gift that I’m equally excited to give you,” Shamir said. “Don’t even worry about it!” Catherine said, “Like I said, I’ll take the company of a hot lady who kicks ass over a flower any day of the week!” Shamir blushed, turning away to hide her smile. “Er, sorry, that was inappropriate. I-” Catherine began. “No, you’re fine. Er, I mean, what you said is fine.” Shamir began mumbling as she trailed off “Not that you aren’t also fine, but that’s not what I was trying to say… out loud.” She cleared her throat loudly. “Thank you for calling me a hot lady who kicks ass.” “Hah! Thank you for being a hot lady who kicks ass!” Catherine said.

  
“Wait a second,” Catherine said, “weren’t we talking about something serious earlier? How did we start talking about flowers?” Shamir rolled her eyes, still smiling. “It was a metaphor for our friendship.” “Oh, right,” Catherine said. “So when Byleth gave me a bunch of flowers until I lied to her… what was that a metaphor for?” “I guess,,, for how we’re still figuring this out,” Shamir said, “You’re sometimes a pain in my ass, and I’m sometimes a pain in your ass, but that’s OK. Because we’re both trying to learn how to be a better partner to the other, and we can’t do that without making mistakes sometimes. Does that make any sense?” “That makes perfect sense! You’re really good at explaining stuff. You should be a teacher!” “Hah.” Shamir laughed, self-deprecatingly. “So I guess, in the metaphor, we should probably just ignore the fact that I lied, huh.” Catherine said. “Yeah, I don’t think that part tracks. At least, I certainly have no intention of lying to you. And I can’t imagine that you’d lie to me. Not about anything that really mattered, at least.” “Of course, I’d never lie to you!” Catherine said, her wide grin quickly giving way to a worrisome frown. “That look isn’t exactly inspiring a lot of confidence,” Shamir said, “Although, with a poker face that bad, I would’ve caught you if you’d lied to me before. So what’s troubling you?” “Well, it’s not like I’ve lied to you, but I haven’t exactly told you the whole truth about my past.” “Really?” Shamir asked, surprised, “Well, I guess you never did tell me. I just kind of assumed that you were from House Charon since you have the crest and sword and all.” “Ah, right,” Catherine said, “The Knights of Seiros have been going along with my little act for so long that I kinda forgot how easy it was to see through. I guess I might as well tell you, then. Y’see, my real name is Cassandra, and I-”

  
“That’s bullshit,” Shamir spat, venomously. “Excuse me?” Catherine asked. “Why is the name Cassandra more real than Catherine? Just because you were born with it?” “Uh, yeah. That’s exactly why,” Catherine said. “You were born a baby. Does that mean you’re still a baby?” Shamir asked. “I’m not quite sure that’s the same thing.” Catherine said. “Maybe not. But your name is you. Choosing your name is the same as choosing who you are. And no one but you has that right. Not even your parents, and certainly not after they’d just met you. So if Thunder Catherine is who you’ve decided to be, then it’s bullshit to say that any other name could ever be more real.”

  
“Wow…” Catherine said, breathlessly. “Sorry,” Shamir said, sheepishly, “I guess I got a little heated.” “No, that was wonderful!” Catherine said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so passionate about anything! And… You’re exactly right. Only I can decide who I am. And that’s Thunder Catherine, Knight of Seiros.” “And a hot lady who kicks ass.” Shamir said, smirking. Catherine laughed bawdily. “Damn right! And let’s not forget, Shamir’s partner! Although, I guess I didn’t really decide that…” “We were assigned to be partners,” Shamir said, “But we chose to be friends.” “You’re right,” Catherine said, “And I don’t know about you, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.” “Wow. I actually cannot believe how corny you are sometimes.” Shamir said. “Alright, alright. I’ll take it down a notch, just for you.” Catherine said. “I just said it was corny,” Shamir said, “I didn’t say that I hated it or anything.” Catherine chuckled.

  
*Ding* *Ding**Ding*Ding* *Dong* The sound of the bell surprised both of them. “Ah, shit, I’m supposed to be meeting with Cyril right now,” Shamir said, “I guess I should get going…” “Yeah, you probably should,” Catherine said, “But I just want you to know… It was nice talking to you, Shamir. I know I was kind of teasing you before, but… I really do enjoy your company. I hope we can talk like this again soon.” “I feel the same way,” Shamir said, “I still don’t think I’m ready to go out with Manuela, but… if you ever feel like drinking alone with me some day, I’d be happy to have you.” “That sounds wonderful. It’s a date.” Catherine said, expecting Shamir to protest. “It’s a date.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war for the reunification of Fodlan has ended, yet a new foe has emerged. Shamir employs creative techniques to teach Catherine to be more vigilant on the battlefield. One of her training exercises takes a surprising turn that changes the nature of their relationship forever. [This is the final draft of this chapter, after the WIP version was up for over a year]

*thunk* The sound of steel striking wood sent Catherine’s hand darting to the hilt of her sword. She winced at the touch of the cold, lifeless leather on her skin. The delay in her draw lasted less than a second, but she knew all too well how easily a second on the battlefield could mean the difference between life and death. She also knew that this was no battlefield; a second here only separated an approving smile from a stern lecture. Still, to Catherine, disappointing Shamir was only slightly preferable to dying.  
She examined the knife lodged in the tree that she was dozing off against mere seconds ago. Surprisingly, there wasn’t an impaled spider, a bisected millipede, or a decapitated grasshopper. Not a single maimed creepy-crawlie in sight. This meant that the attack was pre-meditated. Catherine would have to remain extra vigilant. As she examined the knife’s angle of entry, she heard hasty footsteps retracing the knife's trajectory. Its owner was coming to finish the job. “There you are!” Catherine shouted as she turned to face her assailant, but Shamir was nowhere to be found. Byleth, accustomed to ignoring the exclamations of passersby, paid Catherine no heed as she ran past. Catherine smirked as she jumped to the side to avoid a predicted attack from behind. She turned to face the true perpetrator. Shocked that Catherine had thwarted her plan, Shamir froze mid-attack, her arms outstretched as if to put Catherine in a headlock. Before she could react, Catherine struck her collarbone with her open hand and pushed her against the tree, immobilizing her. The “battle” was over.

"Wow..." Catherine whispered reverently, too captivated by how beautiful Shamir looked in the dappled sunlight to keep her mouth shut. "That's my line," Shamir said, smiling warmly as she looked up into Catherine's eyes, "You managed to see through my trick. I'm proud of you, Partner." Catherine smiled a big, goofy grin. "Th-thanks." She mumbled, suddenly aware of how close they were. Her hand was still firmly planted in Shamir's sternum, rising and falling with her soft panting. She could even feel Shamir's racing heartbeat. Or maybe it was her own?

While Shamir's combat readiness training had finally gotten through, Catherine was quickly forgetting everything she'd learned from Shamir about how to keep her composure around an attractive woman. "I can't kiss her," she tried to think, but the part of her brain capable of producing responsible thoughts had long since burned down in the flames of infatuation. Or perhaps it was only seconds ago? Despite the metronome of Shamir's steady breath, Catherine had no idea how long this moment had lasted. But Shamir knew. While Catherine's face surely showed her internal struggle with her own desires, Shamir was as unreadable as ever, never once breaking eye contact. "Why hasn't she said anything?" Catherine wondered, "Is she just teasing me? What does that mean? Surely she can see that I'm... What even am I doing?"

"Tch. Figures that you'd choose now of all times to finally show some restraint," Shamir said, teasingly. "Wh-what's that supposed to mean?" Catherine asked. Shamir sighed. "It means I'm tired of waiting for you to kiss me." Catherine was taken aback. "Is it that obvious?" She asked. "It is." Shamir said, flatly. "Still waiting, by the way." "Then I guess I'll just have to make it worth the wait!" Catherine proclaimed with false confidence.

Before Shamir could finish her affectionate sigh at Catherine's goofiness, Catherine pushed her harder against the tree and kissed her, desparately enough that even Manuela would blush at the sight of such ravenous lust. In a rare moment, Shamir closed her eyes and totally let her guard down, accepting Catherine's affection and responding in kind. But only just a moment.

"Ngh!" When the moment passed, Catherine found the handle of a throwing knife pressed into her back. “Gotcha,” Shamir said, smugly. “I can’t believe you!” Catherine said, accusingly, “Toying with my heart just to win one of your silly little war games? That’s low, Shamir, even for you.” “Even for me?” Shamir repeated in disbelief, “What the Hell is that supposed to mean?” “I-” “And I’m sorry my ‘little war games’ are ‘silly’. Maybe if you ever listened when I scolded you, I wouldn’t have to treat you like a child!” Shamir said. “Scolding me is still treating me like a child!” Catherine said. “Then stop acting like a child!” Shamir shouted, “Stop relying on Mommy Shamir to clean up every mess your carelessness gets you in!” “We’re partners!” Catherine said, “Partners rely on each other!” “Exactly!” Shamir spat, “ _On each other_. Yet I always seem to be the one saving your ass!” “Don’t act like you never rely on me,” Catherine said. “How could I?” Shamir asked, venomously, “You’re as unreliable as they come. Is it really too much to ask that you have just a single thought before you start swinging your sword around?” “I'm not an idiot, Shamir. I can think and fight at the same time.” Catherine said. "By then it's too late! Some battles can only be won by not fighting them in the first place. And if you don't get that through your thick skull, your last thought will be 'oh damn, Shamir was right, there are too many enemies and I can't fight them all off by myself!'" Shamir said, mocking Catherine with an exaggeratedly clueless-sounding voice. "I don't sound like that." Catherine said, bitterly. " _That's_ what you're mad about?" Shamir asked, incredulously, "Well I'm _sorry_ that my impression of you was less than flattering. I can see how that would make you as upset as I am when you _repeatedly put both of our lives in danger_." "I've never gotten us in more danger than I could get us out of!" Catherine said. " _Yet_." Shamir said. "This is war!" Catherine said, "No matter how careful you are, you'll never really be safe. I'd rather know how to handle myself when things get rough than try to make sure that they never do." "Has it ever occurred to you that you can do both?" Shamir asked. "Why bother? I'll never be as good at staying safe as you, and you'll never be as good at taking risks as me, so we should just stick to what we're good at and have each others' backs. That's what partners do." "I know what partners do," Shamir said, indignantly, "I don't need you to keep explaining it to me." "And I don't need you to keep explaining that I should pay attention in the middle of a war, but I guess that's just what partners do!" Catherine said, "So here's another explanation: I have feelings too, and when you talk down to me it hurts just as much when I talk down to you."

"I don't think it does," Shamir said, coldly. "Yeah, well-" " _Shut up!_ " Shamir interrupted, flipping her knife into a combat grip in the blink of an eye, "Don't you _dare_ compare me coddling you to you treating me like I don't understand basic fucking empathy. Like all the affection I've ever shown you was just a lie I told to hurt you. Like I'm some emotionless, manipulative, _inhuman_ creature just because I was born far away from where you were." "What?" The anger had evaporated from Catherine's voice, leaving only concern in its place. "Is that... is that really how I treat you?" "It's how _everyone_ treats me," Shamir said, bitterly, "Fodlaners, at least. I've grown numb to it, by now, but not to you. Against my better judgement, I let you hurt me. But I guess that's just what partners do." "I don't want to hurt you, Shamir," Catherine said, "And I won't. I swear, on The Thu-" as she brandished her sword, she was interrupted by an ache from outside her body, a phantom pain from a limb that was never hers. "On... I swear to..." she stared at her sword, taunted by its dull silver gleam. Racked with guilt that she could even think of her sword when her partner was so upset. "Enough theatrics," Shamir said. Her voice was dismissive, but Catherine's pitiful display had sucked all the venom out of it. "I get it. You'd do anything to never hurt me again, right?" "Anything." "Then I guess this is it, _partner_." Shamir said, with an air of finality.

"What the Hell's that supposed to mean?" Catherine asked, though the tears in her eyes betrayed her understanding. "You know what it means." Shamir said, curtly. "I need to hear you say it." Catherine said. "Fine. We aren't partners anymore." Shamir explained, for old times' sake. "That's... I can't accept that, partner." Catherine said. "You said _anything_ ," Shamir said. "Besides hurt you, obviously!" Catherine said. "Then stop talking." Shamir said, "The longer you drag this out, the more it'll hurt. Goodbye, Catherine. And..." The last word came without thought, yet held more truth than all that came before it. By reflex, she had done exactly what she had condemned Catherine for, hoping to steal just a few more seconds with her. Her body said what she could not, as tears filled her eyes for the first time Catherine had ever seen. Seeing her partner in such a pitiful state hurt Catherine worse than any condescension, worse than any insult, worse even than if Shamir had really stabbed that knife into her back. But she couldn't wallow in her pain. Because Shamir had never let her. Even when she lost Rhea, when she felt like she had lost everything, she still had Shamir. She finally understood how Shamir felt five years ago, maybe how she felt for all of the past five years, seeing her partner broken and alone and afraid. With no idea what she should do, but knowing she had to do something all the same.

"Tell Cyril I'm proud of him." With the matter of that last conjunction resolved, there was nothing left keeping Shamir at Garreg Mach, nothing that she could bear to acknowledge. And so, she turned her back on Catherine for the last time.


End file.
